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Currently Watching: Watching: New law requires women to name baby, paint nursery before getting abortion
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"'Molly' and Developmental Psychologist Dr. Kenneth Ives come on Today ... Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 185 seconds "'Molly' and Developmental Psychologist Dr. Kenneth Ives come on Today Now! to talk about her upbringing as a half-human, half-Wolf Blitzer. |
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Truck Accident That Killed Rafters in Canyon Sparks Truck-Canyon-Rafter Reform Debate Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 160 seconds In The Know panelists discuss yesterday's truck accident, and why nothing was done to prevent the vehicle from accidentally spiraling out of control and killing rafters in canyon below. |
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New Apple Friend Bar Gives Customers Someone To Talk At About Mac Products Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 175 seconds Tech Trends' Jeff Tate explains the new service that pairs insufferable Apple customers with "friends" that will listen to them rattle on for hours. |
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Future: News From The Year 2137 - Now Available Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 51 seconds Purchase Now from iTunes: http://onion.com/ONN fn6 While other media outlets bring you news as it happens, only the Onion News Network has the power to bring you the news before it happens. With our state-of-the-art wormhole satellites, we can now transmit Onion News Network broadcasts from the year 2137. |
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USDA Recalls 96,000 Pounds Of Tainted Beef From One Family Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 114 seconds Officials say a positive E. coli test prompted the recall, affecting the Wharton family's stores of ground beef, beef chuck, and rump roast. |
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Census Visits Providing Shut-Ins Once-A-Decade Chance For Human Interaction Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 176 seconds On Today Now!, 87-year-old Beverly DeAngeles gives tips for trapping a census worker in your home for as long as possible. |
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Do Glass Pipes, Incense Prove Teens Are Practicing Shamanism? Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 174 seconds A troubling national report finds an increasing number of parents have found strange pipes, herbs, and other implements of shamanic activity in their teenagers' bedrooms. |
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Boston Globe Tailors Print Edition For Three Remaining Subscribers Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 148 seconds The paper says the new personalized articles target the interests of Massachusetts residents and final three Globe readers Michael Fisher, Camille Kresge, and Buddy. |
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Christian Groups: Biblical Armageddon Must Be Taught Alongside Global Warming Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 149 seconds Constitutional debate continues over whether public schools should include biblical Armageddon alongside global warming in end-of-world curriculum. |
![New Google Phone Service Whispers Targeted Ads Directly Into Users\](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Xtuxax8Dtk4/2.jpg "New Google Phone Service Whispers Targeted Ads Directly Into Users\") |
New Google Phone Service Whispers Targeted Ads Directly Into Users' Ears Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 163 seconds The new feature reduces Google phone users' cell phone costs while providing them with unobtrusive, personalized ads delivered in a friendly whisper. |
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Semi-Literate Former Gold Prospector Given Own Cable News Show Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 237 seconds The former third party presidential candidate returns to helm 'The Cressbeckler Stance' and sound off on flannel-mouthed liars from Washington to Wall Street. |
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Advocacy Group: Mothers Have Right To Expose Milk-Engorged Breasts In Public Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 153 seconds Organizers say until there is absolute acceptance of breastfeeding, nursing moms must vigilantly expose their swollen, milk-sodden breasts everywhere from community cookouts to the local hardware store. |
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'The Cressbeckler Stance' -- Coming Soon To The Onion News Network Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 24 seconds This spring on the Onion News Network '08 Presidential candidate and unabashed straight-shooter Joad Cressbeckler returns to tackle today's toughest issues. America's Goin' Joad. |
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Live Feed: Obama Attends The White House Maintenance Staff Annual Dinner Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 170 seconds Live O-SPAN coverage of the 75th annual dinner with a special awards presentation to the crew who tirelessly buffed every inch of the White House State Floor this past winter. |
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Jockey Liam Hollins The Favorite To Brutally Whip Horse To Kentucky Derby Win Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 159 seconds Fresh from his Blue Grass Stakes win, Hollins moves onto the Kentucky Derby where he hopes to be the first to mercilessly beat a horse across the finish line. |
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Should More Americans Get In On The EZ-Go Juicer Craze? Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 137 seconds In The Know panelists debate how a high quality product like the EZ-Go Juicer could be available at such a low, low price. |
![DEA Official Announces Successful Drug Bust On Son\](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/s2uqJ4xTx8k/2.jpg "DEA Official Announces Successful Drug Bust On Son\") |
DEA Official Announces Successful Drug Bust On Son's Room Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 127 seconds DEA Official Stephen Lovejoy says Matt Lovejoy was found in possession of 1/8th ounce of marijuana and a glass pipe in defiance of the law and his Mother. |
![Man Attempts To Assassinate Obama, \](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/kOHABYhZ7a8/2.jpg "Man Attempts To Assassinate Obama, \") |
Man Attempts To Assassinate Obama, 'But Not Because He's Black Or Anything' Posted by: TheOnion
Video duration: 153 seconds Suspect Alex Croft, who has a ton of black friends, planned to kill Obama because of his socialist agenda?not because of his skin color. |